Thursday, February 24, 2011

Nationally Unfunny

Seriously, today I'm goofy. It's not always me talking about the importance of your inner energy in relation to the grander workings of the universe. Right? Maybe I've put myself in a corner...
That prank call to Scott Walker by Ian Murphy was a let down. Immitating David Koch didn't really consist of immitating so much as just talking in a deep voice and saying four or five word sentences. "Walker! Koch. Rundown. Go." And Walker spilled his beans like a giddy school girl gushing over her first crush. I was glad to know, however, it wasn't really a skeletons in the closet call though. I don't think Walker gave them what they hoped he would in terms of the discussion rapidly shifting to Walker revealing he's got a fleet of hookers on a boat awaiting him in the Cayman Islands, or stacks of laundered money he got for distributing meth in the underground. Nope. Pretty much everything we already knew...he said. And he talked their ear off. It was information yes...but since we knew it all, it was superfluous and boring. I mean, this is a guy who is "Prank Calling" the Governor of a major state, involved in a major issue, and doesn't even pull out his funny guns. It has honestly become the nationally publicized equivalent of this conversation:

"Walker. Koch. Is your refrigerator running?"

"Yeah actually. Little too cold. I should turn it down. Getting a little ice in my milk. I've got these apples in the crisper drawer, been in there for five weeks, still fresh! Still crispy. It's unbelievable. But really other than that there's just some leftovers, little bit of soup, this campbell's low sodium stuff, boy is it good. The freezer is great. Lot of ice. Ice production is good too, quick, you know. I just stick that cup in there, BOM! Ice."

"...That...that's great. How's the 'rotting veggies'?"

"My sister came over yesterday to watch the game, brought these avocados for guacamole. Jesus, she's the master of that. You've got to try it some time. Little lime, salt, etc. you know? Throw some hot sauce in there, BOM! Guacamole."

"...Hey, look, I gotta' go...just wanted to, you know, check in on the fridge."

"Hey I was thinking of taking my wife out tomorrow night for a date night kind of thing, and my son is 12. Do you think he's old enough to stay home by himself? I don't know. When I was a kid my parents always left me home alone, but, you know, he's generation Y. I'm a little protective. I guess these video games will keep him busy, maybe leave some snacks for him. He loves bugles. Dip them in ranch --"


This call is all over the news and it's not even good. It's not even a prank call. I hope Murphy's friends are letting him know that he's the eight year old hanging out with his twelve year old brother and all his friends.

"Nice work there Ian but who the hell is Dave Koch? I thought we all agreed on Mike Ocksmall! MIKE OCKSMALL! Say it fast, say it fast Ian, what does it sound like! See!? That's funny! Dave Koch is not a funny name! Dave Koch doesn't sound like anything!"

I feel like if we're going to live in the world we live in, where things are just getting more and more ridiculous by the second, shouldn't we try our hardest for some solid jokes when we're going to mess with people? I mean, if you had the chance to fool a state Governor into believing it was someone else, you want him to believe you're Dave Koch? And if you're going to pick someone real, shoot for the moon. You had a chance to be Muammar Gadhafi, or Nancy Pelosi, or American Idol season 7 winner David Cook.

And you didn't go for it.

The situation is to the point where even legitimate news makers, news sources, and politicians would have been able to appreciate a good prank. Seriously. Don't you feel like there's so much stress, maybe tensions would be alleviated if someone clicked the fart machine button while Obama was giving his little YouTube update? Then we'd have that funny awkward silence, and Obama would slowly crack a smile, and everyone would laugh and then they'd put it online, and we'd all laugh, and for three minutes we'd all forget there was slaying and chaos in the streets of the world because we'd all be enraptured in the hilarity that we thought during his National address, the President let one go.

Come on Ian. Let's try this again. Call Jerry Brown and pretend to be Mickey Rooney, who is equally as unfathomably old. Now THAT! Would be funny.

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