Friday, July 6, 2012

Tired


I don't often get tired, but I'm tired today. Tired of the darkness I see in people every day. Not that it snuffs out any chance of life for the light burning inside, but because they would rather draw their pleasures from darkness than from light. We are born good people, I promise. I get tired of hearing people say that positive people feel they need to be as such because it makes up for a lack of something, or that there is a subconscious desire to act overly positive, moral, or optimistic because deep down they battle some hefty demons and it keeps them at bay.

I don't. That's me. When I look around the world, when I look on the internet and see what my peers are saying, when I read the headlines and listen to the people I encounter in the day to day, the photos, the comments, the hate, and the hypocrisy, I see an overabundance of sadness, pessimism, and self loathing. I see the constant need for some to compare their hardships to those of another, as if it were a race. We like feeling bad because it makes us feel good. For some odd reason we choose the road easiest to travel because it requires the least work to maintain, despite it being the road most difficult to return from; the road that leads to a perpetual dusk. Yet beyond the dark and dreary, I see us not for who we are, but who we can be. And it is this that drives me to act.


I have a lot of love in my heart. More than I can contain. What other option do I have but to share it? If I didn't, I could not exist. It would be like an expanding bomb inside me. If I tried to cover that fire, to hide it, to lock it away because others told me I was being too naive, I would die. I don't preach peace because I hide some shadows you've never seen from me, I don't insist we love one another because secretly there is great hatred in my heart and I seek to keep it hidden, I don't do any of this to hold myself in pious regard to the rest. I do these things because I honestly do not know how to live my life any other way. 

I'm tired of the world seeking to hammer in the nail that sticks out. I'm tired of people telling me I don't understand because I haven't experienced identical hardship. I'm tired of people telling me to stop being optimistic. Would you have me strangle myself; cease to breathe as the rest are allowed? It is my oxygen, it is in my blood! We cannot exist if others continue to tell us not to be who we are at our true core.


I love not because I harbor secret psychological trauma, but because what my body is composed of, though science may label it as flesh and bone, tissue and organ, in truth is none of those things. All of it, the sum of my parts, is love. Take it or leave it. But if you are tired of my optimism, know that if it were stifled, so too would be my existence. Love pushes me forward and I will let no man hold me back from fighting for it until I take my dying breath. And even then it will be too late, as my love will have been recorded in time, amongst my peers forever, a synonym to my name.


I am Love. Don't ask me to be anything but. Even if you did, it would be impossible.

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